Reality on “The Week”

Before I start, I would like to give my “thank you” to Emma Williams (from The Week) for writing an article about Dating and for including my views in it.

I think the article depicts the true state of dating and getting married in Oman, so check it out tomorrow or you can read it online at (http://www.theweek.co.om/). I also attached a .pdf file of the article here “The Week“

Oh, and B.. please don’t forward this to all your friends saying “This is my wife”.. There is a reason why I’m being anonymous.. :-p..

Those with slow internet, here:

The Date Debate: Dating in the City
by Emma Williams
theweek@apexstuff.com

Picture the scene. You are in a popular restaurant in Muscat when you notice a beautiful Omani woman dressed up in her best abaya but alone in one corner of the restaurant texting  away on her phone. She finishes writing her message and places her phone back on the table. Moments later a young Omani man, who is sitting on the opposite side of the restaurant to the woman, picks up his phone after a text tone goes off loudly. He smiles and starts replying; the woman meanwhile sips her drink and toys with her pasta.
Maria, an expatriate from the UK working in Oman, thought this was just a coincidence until a second after the young man put down his phone, the girl’s loud door bell style ring-tone announced she had a reply. The messages continued throughout the meal until the girl paid her bill and left, the youth following minutes later. After raising the incident with some local friends of hers, Maria was surprised when they said these types of encounters were becoming increasingly common as young men and women try to date or get to know each other without risking damage to their family name or distress to their traditional parents.
‘Reality-in-Oman’ is a young and popular Omani blogger who is married and thinks there are a number of problems facing young people in Oman when it comes to finding a partner. “One problem is that dating is looked down on. Good girls don’t date and good boys never marry girls who have been in previous relationships. The idea of absolute purity and innocence seems to be most dominant when it comes to selecting your future partner, which is not  possible,” she said.
‘Reality-in-Oman’ feels that it is a lack of communication and understanding between young people and their parents that cause problems for those trying to date. She finds the kind of secret relationships like the one described above to be unfortunate. She said, “Sometimes the hardest part is not finding
love, but finding a healthy relationship that allows two people to grow.
“Once love is found, young people face another huge obstacle that they have to pass, which is presenting that love to their families in the hope of receiving a positive response. Instead, many couples are faced with angry parents who
reject the marriage proposal. Hence, you find couples looking for ways to deceive their parents into  believing that the guy just happened to see the girl somewhere and fell in love.”

—- Emphasis mine, if you want to read the rest, then go through the pain of downloading the pdf file.

Omanis and Traits

Alright, for this post, you all need to relax. It is a fun post :p .. nothing serious.. and to all those who like to be offended.. NO I am not generalizing.. so calm down

Just a taste of my life at work..

Muscat people:

Call me weird, but I find this category to be the most respectful. I usually ask the guys from this category to follow orders and they do. Once, a guy was making a fuss, and I just went up to him and said “get up and leave, now”. To give you a better description of this guy, well.. he is in his early 20’s. He wears those low cut jeans with the “love theme boxers” showing, the fake LV belt, and listens to rap and hip hop music… But this guy.. left the room as I have asked… No fuss

Later he came in to my office, and apologized… signed some forms and before he left, said.. “thank you”… when I looked at the form, his signature was … “cool thug” .. I almost cracked out laughing, but my point is.. he is the type of guy we see in the streets and stereotype him into the “bad-wannabe” category.

The females are harder to deal with. They get offended easily and I have to be gentle. However, I have a harder time with the spoiled ones, since they expect me to do everything for them.

Batina (till Sohar) and Dakhilyah people:

These guys are harder to deal with. I am usually gentle at first. I give a warning, and they just think its funny, ignore me, and continue with what they are doing. Sometimes I explain the obvious to them, and they show great interest, but still do not want to follow the rules. I kick them out, and they start talking loudly and become offended. “This is OFFENSIVE” they scream sometimes. They do leave at the end, but with warnings of filing complaints (which they never see through), or never coming back (which they do because they have to).

Now, these are the good males from the inner Oman. They wear the well ironed Omani dishdasha and the nice cuma (head cap) with the  “good manners”. Maybe they are, but I have certainly seen the worst from them. Everything to them is a joke. (That applies to my cousins too!!)

On the contrary, the girls in this section are respectful. They are usually shy, but in general, they have good manners. I do find a few that like to be offended for the heck of it, but not many. Some of them think I hate them and that I’m mean, but generally it is because sometimes I do..

Sharqyah and Batina (above Sohar) people:

I think I can describe these people in a single word… politely, I would say they are “loud”, at my line of work I would describe them as “obnoxious”. To be honest, these are the people I have the most difficult time dealing with.

I have tried to be gentle, and I have tried to be strict. It does not work. These are the guys that wear the UAE dress (Al Ain dress to be specific) and the neatly folded musar (head turban). They go to great lengths to make their (shoulder length) hair straight . They usually walk slower to make sure their neat figure is not ruined, but they are just LOUD. They treat every single costumer service area as a qahwa (coffee shop) where they like to give hugs and kisses (nose kisses) to every one they know. You ask them to follow the rules and you end up being in a long debate. They like to chit-chat and answer your questions and with questions.

May I add, these guys DO NOT get offended easily. They flick their wide eyes like a sad puppy and ask.. “what’s wrong?” in a flirtatious manner.. it is annoying.

On the other hand, the females in this category love to be easily offended. They tend to take everything personal. It doesn’t matter that I ask politely and cut them slack most of the, they just find a way to get offended and act out. They do exactly the opposite. Some, I found out, do it because they dislike me. These females also get offended when my other co-workers talk to them. They would slur some offensive words in Arabic to my Indian co-workers thinking it is okay, and become highly offended when I say: “Do as they SAY”… ha ha

Dhofari people?… I’ll leave that to Nadia!

Obtaining the Omani Citizenship / Nationality

Many of you have been sending me e-mails asking about acquiring the Omani citizenship. So, here you go:

ROYAL DECREE NO. (3/83) LAW ON THE ORGANIZATION OF THE OMANI NATIONALITY

ARTICLE (1): is considered legally an Omani who

1- was born in Oman or outside with an Omani father.
2- was born in Oman or outside with an Omani mother, but an unknown father or a father who lost his Omani nationality.
3- was born in Oman with unknown parents.
4- was born in Oman and made it his home in the condition that the father was born in Oman with a lost nationality.

ARTICLE (2): a foreigner can request an Omani citizenship if the following conditions apply

1- An adult who is familiar with the Arabic language (reading and writing)
2- Before submitting a request, the person should have resided in Oman for a continuous 20 years or 10 years if married to an Omani woman. Note that his stay is not considered continuous if he leaves Oman for over two months in any given year.
3- Must be of good background, free of any disabilities, and has not been convicted of any crime.
4- Must have a legitimate means of earning a living that is sufficient to meet the needs of their dependents.

5- Apply for the citizenship according to the form prepared by the Ministry of Interior, which should state your willingness to renounce your nationality of origin and that your country’s law allows it. In the case that the Ministry accepts the request, the person must stand before the courts and state the following oath:

“I swear by Almighty God to be loyal to the Sultanate of Oman and to respect the laws, costumes, traditions, and be a good citizen as God is my witness”

ARTICLE (3): It is permissible under the exception and a special royal decree granting the Omani citizenship to foreigners without compliance to the requirements refereed in Article (2) of this law.

ARTICLE (4): It is permissible for the foreign wife of a foreign husband, who has acquired the Omani citizenship, to submit a request to obtain the Omani citizenship after 5 years of her stay in Oman. Minor children can obtain the Omani citizenship according to their father that they may in the course of the year following the age of adulthood request to renounce the Omani citizenship, while adult children may request the Omani citizenship in accordance with the terms of naturalization referred to in Article (2) of this law.

ARTICLE (5): it is permissible for a foreign wife of an Omani national to request the Omani citizenship provided that she had been married and living with him in Oman for at least five years.

ARTICLE (6): citizenship is granted individually through a Royal Decree. The citizenship application may be denied even if the applicant has fulfilled all requirements, without any given reason.

Articles (7) through (19) are kind of general stuff, so I will not list them here.

Hope this helps!

A Rainy Day

Yup Nadia, it was a rainy day today in Muscat.
Here, there are two things you should look for in a rainy day: swamps and four-wheel drive cars on sand hills.

I took this today while on the road. Looks like a lot of fun ha!

Look for the teeny tiny cars up the hill.. there were maaaaaany of them!

Ohh.. Also, today I thought there were no people at my company. It seemed empty, so I went to the company’s front gate.. and there they are! Most of our employees and costumers.. enjoying getting wet under the rain!

Expat Moms and Teenage Boys at the Playground

Lets say you decided to take your children to Al Qurum park, Al Riyam park, or the beach playground and were faced with the following:

You spot three teenage boys, who are definitely too old to be in the playground, approaching your zone because they just “have” to play in the swings, slide down the slippery slide, or struggle to hang on the monkey bars with your kids. Never forget the stares and the giggling followed by the tossing of a few inappropriate words (with limited English capabilities).

At this stage, you (expat mom) feel very uncomfortable, but try to ignore them. But teenage boys with lots of hormones just need that extra excitement, which is when you will start hearing the “SNAP”…giggle…giggle.. “SNAP”… more giggle… giggle… and… “We ..You… Picture”… giggle .. giggle..

Well, sorry moms. I know you are wondering “WHY!?” in agony thinking that there is a logical reason for this behavior beyond the regular “sexual frustration”, but unfortunately, it is just that! .. ohh, seeing white flesh (no matter how minimal) adds to that excitement!.. Rare is always extra special!

But never give up! As, I, Reality, have a solution that will end your misery! It is simple, easy, and available to all expat moms!

Put on a serious face.. (just like this .. 0_0! .. wide eyes and pissed) and look directly at them. Take out your cell phone.. (slowly for dramatic effects) and

SNAP SNAP … (make sure your phone is not on silence) make a phone call.. and utter the word .. POLICE.. (be loud and confident.. just like Denzel Washington, and you can say pawlece too for extra special effects) ….

The result?! … the dishdasha held up to the knees and skinny legs flying everywhere… “RUN RUN”…

Are Black Omanis Dumb?

Alright, I know many would squirm  at this topic, but it is; nevertheless, an issue that we have to discuss. Now, I would like to start by saying that this post is based on my own observations and, well, common sense.

Many times throughout my life I have been hearing the same phrase, on and on, about this issue. Some people even go through hoops to make it sound more logical. Some say: “Haven’t you noticed how el khwal (Omani Blacks) are dumb and only care about their traditional singing and dancing?”  I am pretty sure that most Omani’s can relate to this quote. We all hear it at some point of our lives.

Now, there is a twist. Obviously all of these observations by some of these Omanis do not come out of nowhere. Yes, as many of you have observed: The number of successful black Omanis are less than those of “brown – light skinned” Omanis. Someone described a scene to me once of busses loaded with blacks coming towards a “black-less” village to attend a wedding where a black singer was performing. Of course, the description was full of racist and sarcastic comments.

Anyway, in short.. the general idea is that Omani blacks have lower education, lower business successes, lower aspirations, and are mainly good for man labor. Sounds familiar?

Young Omani kids attending school

Now, lets examine this a bit further. Slavery was only abolished in Oman in 1970. Ex-slaves, though not treated as bad as slaves in the United States (in 19^th century), were illiterate and their main profession was “man labor”. Oman’s ex-slaves living condition has progressed in the past 40 years. Though racism remains present in the society, the government does not favor or differentiate between races when it comes to education and jobs.

However, we need to remember that these ex-slaves are only two generations behind. Many are well and alive, and they teach their children and grandchildren the values that they grew up with, which are to serve your masters. Also, since many of these “masters” are also well and alive, they encourage these values and teach their kids and grandkids that these ex-slaves will always remain servants rather than equal contributors to society.

Though I consider this to be a major problem in the society, I do think we are living in the “transitional” point. Racism and this sense of belonging are fading (slowly) as these values contradict global emphasis on human integrity and equality.

So back to the point: Are Black Omanis dumb?

Well, in 1994, Richard Hernsterin and Charles Murray, in their book “The Bell Curve,” argued that blacks were inferior in intelligence to whites.  In other words, they argued that for blacks to become intelligent, they had to marry whites. The whiter you are the more intelligent you become. However, it is very difficult for me and many others to accept the idea that the skin’s production of melanin is connected to the brain’s function (intelligence).  Of course, Hernsterin and Murray were proven wrong, but I guess this message did not reach our Omani friends yet.

Here, we should not look at intelligence and success through skin color. Though these “brown-lighter skinned” Omani’s observations of success are somewhat correct, their reasoning is totally screwed up. The fact that some black Omani’s are unsuccessful  is not because the mere fact that they are black. No. It is because of their role in the Omani society as black people. Hence, when we look at this question again, we should not talk about black vs. white people’s intelligence only. Rather, we should look at the quality of the world that these black Omani’s vs. “brown-lighter” Omani’s have lived in.

It is only after that that we can come to the conclusion that the gap in Black Omani’s success vs. “lighter” Omani’s is becoming smaller as newer generations emerge. Their quality of life (from slaves to ex-slaves to a generation of ex-slave parents..etc) is growing better as they become equal contributors to society and compete for a better life.

The Missed Call “Ranah” Culture

Okay, I need to talk about this because I absolutely have to. Being engaged to a non-Omani has its “small” challenges… I will have to get used to giving many clarifications from now on!

So yes B, I am dedicating this post to you. There are times, B, when I call you and give you a missed call, or what we call here a “Ranah“. When that happens, the response I expect is for you to call me back, and not for you to send me a msg saying “I missed your call, can you call back?”.

Sometimes I forget that there are certain aspects of my culture that can look silly to others, but nevertheless it is part of the culture and after this post.. I really hope B responds to my missed calls “appropriately”  so I can continue with my normal life and take this part of the culture for granted.

Okay, so the “Ranah” culture started a while ago, early 2000, when the younger generation started having prepaid cell phones (maybe even before that, but this is when it became popular). At that time, many young people who did not earn money would give their parents or friends a missed call, which means “Call me back”. The second party would call using either their cell or home phones.

Sometime, too, the “Ranah” could mean.. “Wanna say Salam” or “I’m thinking of you”.. but I don’t have enough credit to call you.. sort of thing.

Though the practice of “Ranah” started to fade in recent years because of the cheap msging, it is still out there. There is even a song by Salman Hameed that is called “Raneet lek Ranah“.. meaning, I gave you a missed call. The song goes:

“I gave you a missed call
and you didn’t give me a missed call,
you say you love me,
No no, you don’t love me.. “

As far as I know, this song has been very popular, and it still comes up in the radio stations.

So, dear B, next time you get a missed call from me and you wonder how come you didn’t have enough time to answer.. then don’t txt me explaining… just, call me back .. cause you didn’t really miss my call..

Flirting: Past and Present

Okay, I’m bored and sometimes when you are bored at work and have a bunch of customers chitchatting amongst themselves, you tend to.. well.. listen in. (Not like they are discreet).

They were a bunch of girls and guys (they seem college kids to me, worst kind of costumers). They are complaining to each other. The guys are complaining that all girls assume that they are trying to flirt with them when they try to ask a question or something, and the girls are complaining that the guys are misunderstanding them. …

This is the new trend in Oman. I guess we almost passed the phase where the two genders are segregated, and flirting between them (it’s harassment in the law’s definition) is slowly turning into conversations (though few are actually meaningful or intellectual conversations).

I remember when I was a teenager wondering around al-Qurum natural park (it used to be a dating area). We used to go there very often with the whole family. It was a tradition for us, though it grew to be an unsuitable place to have fun once the girls in the family became older. We were constantly harassed by guys that would follow us around trying to get us talk. They were annoying, but the definition of harassment those days was not clear. Everyone responded to the problem with the explanation that guys are just dogs and want to flirt with girls, and that to avoid it, you should keep your girls locked up in their houses.

Also, I remember the situation became worse during 2000-2005 when all the horror stories of men sexually harassing women started to come out. During that time, it seemed as though all the women I know had a first hand experience with some guy trying to touch them. The explanation was of course that the guys just can’t hold themselves! and that women should avoid public places. (the solution was always to lock up the women)

I think the situation started to become better once the two genders are not segregated as much. I mean, before many of these men never interacted (usually high school and college kids) with women. Plus, sexual deprivation does wonders. So they only saw females as sexual beings. However, today… the two genders talk about these issues. These days you hear these phrases over and over again “We are not flirting with you girls” or “you girls always think we want to flirt” or “You guys misunderstand us”.. etc. Communication, though sometimes on lame topics and unintelligent, brings the newer generation closer, and allows them to understand each other better.

Today, instead of kids looking at each other through “What gender are you?”, they are looking at each others personality and talk to the other’s intellectual side (even if that intellectual side only thinks about cars) rather than the physical. Nevertheless, flirting between them will never end, but lets hope it’s flirting and not harassing.

A Ghost in Town

Okay, this story happened to a friend of someone close, and I thought it was amusing and quite interesting. So, I have to share it with everyone else.

Apparently there were sightings of a Ghost (Jinni) in town, and not just any ghost, but a touchable one too! A couple of guys living in an apartment complex were having dinner out in a restaurant. When they were done, they walked back towards their apartment. Two of these guys live together, and one of them proceeded to enter the apartment first. He opened the door, and before he turned the lights on, he saw this huge figure standing next to the wall.

Apparently, this Ghost was bright white, with scruffy white hair and a long beard. He was just standing there with his torn old clothes and holding a thick wooden walking cane. So the guy, instead of running away for his life, pulled his dishdasha up and did something rather stupid. He jumped on the Ghost in an attempt to restrain it.  Well, apparently this Ghost was solid and the guy’s attempt was successful.

The Ghost tried to free itself while this guy was determined to clinch as hard as he could. It didn’t matter to this guy that the Ghost started hitting him with the cane, he was determined. Screaming and shouting for his friend, the friend came running inside to find his friend tied up in a fight. Now it was the friend’s turn to scream, but it was a cry for the guy to let go! “Let him go, let him go!” he cried while pulling his friend away, “He is nothing but trouble if you keep holding him”.

The guy finally let in after receiving a couple of hits in the head (apparently there are visible bruises to confirm the story). Then, the ghost just ran away!

Less Divorce More Second Wives

Jacob (big thanks) sent me a link to an article in The National called “Divorce falls in Oman as more men take second wives“. According to this article, the good news is that “the divorce rate in Oman dropped by 12 per cent in 2008 from the previous year”. The bad news though is that “the number of men taking second wives increased by more than 20 per cent”.

Hmm, I’m not sure where this is leading Oman.

A marriage counselor in this article quotes the male’s perspective, which is “I will keep the first family as a dutiful husband, but I need to marry a second wife to keep my libido up“.. hmm, really!? What a lucky first wife she is… to have an asshole a wonderful person as a husband who is willing to honor his duties… what a dutiful husband he is!

I wont mingle much into this subject, but damn we need more marriage counselors in this country before the percentage in marrying a second wife increases. I mean, maybe just maaaaybe.. the wife has feelings and needs too.. just maybe.. and just because the divorce rate is lower, does NOT mean that those families are living in happy homes. I know too many families torn apart because of this. Half brothers and sisters hate each others guts. Years pass by before they talk because daddy is treating one mommy better than the other.. or whatever the reason is.

Marriage counselors please come to Oman, and not ones like Safiya Suleiman that would say something like this “In my opinion, women have only themselves to blame for letting themselves go. They need to look after themselves and stay attractive”… Yeah, thanx, that helps a lot.. solves the problem actually.. make women look like dolls! … yet also continue to expect them to pop out kids, clean, cook, and have a full time job.

So, Oman is empowering women by allowing them to be part in all kinds of jobs and activities. They make a living, sometimes more than their spouses.. Women will not keep their mouths shut for too long. Maybe a forty year old women is not going to demand divorce and fight for her rights because we are still living in the “acceptance” era. However, women are starting to realize that they have rights too.

Many working and married women refuse to contribute to building houses when it is under the husbands name. They are demanding to co-own everything, or mostly the major things.. like their new houses… so what happens then? How can these “wealthy” men afford a second wife then?

Divorce falls in Oman as more men take second wives

Saleh al Shaibany, Foreign Correspondent

• Last Updated: January 05. 2010 12:40AM UAE / January 4. 2010 8:40PM GMT

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Safiya Suleiman says women need to stay attractive to stop their husbands marrying again. Ramla Hussein for The National

MUSCAT // The rate of divorce in Oman has fallen as a result of a trend in which men are increasingly taking second wives while keeping their first to prevent the break-up of their families, marriage counsellors say.

According to statistics from the ministry of religious affairs, the divorce rate in Oman dropped by 12 per cent in 2008 from the previous year. At the same time, the number of men taking second wives increased by more than 20 per cent.
“It is a way of making compromises… between men and their first wives,” Fatma Fallahy, a 74-year-old marriage counsellor, said. “Men say: ‘I will keep the first family as a dutiful husband, but I need to marry a second wife to keep my libido up’.”

In Islam, men can have up to four wives, provided they can afford to treat them equally, both emotionally and financially.

But when men decide to marry again, their first wives’ emotional well-being is usually the last of their concerns. “It is good that there are fewer divorces now; that prevents family break-up, but women still don’t understand why their husbands would want to add another wife when things are going well at home,” Ms Fallahy said.
For Aisha Suleimany, a 46-year-old bank supervisor, her married life does not have the same meaning now that she shares her husband of 24 years with a much younger woman. Her 51-year-old husband married a 22-year-old woman six months ago.

“What did I do wrong? I slaved in the house and at the same time go out to earn a second living and what do I get? Some woman to share my marriage and the fortune I helped to provide for our children. Half of it now goes to the new wife who came in with just a bag of clothes,” Ms Suleimany said.

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Ms Suleimany said she and her husband took a joint bank loan before he married again to build a second home.

“The second home that he now lives in with his second wife is partly my effort,” Ms Suleimany added. “I understand Islam allows men to have two wives, but it is hard for most women to accept that when the only reason is just to get a younger model.”

Other marriage counsellors have little sympathy for first wives. “In my opinion, women have only themselves to blame for letting themselves go. They need to look after themselves and stay attractive,” Safiya Suleiman, a 58-year-old marriage counsellor, said.
Ms Suleiman said men in their 40s and 50s are more likely to marry second wives than any other age group.

“They want to revive their youth and stay young, and a very young second wife is just the thing for them,” Ms Suleiman said.

But many ask why young women would accept a marriage proposal by married men twice their age.

“Middle-aged men are usually well-off financially. Some young women don’t want to struggle with men of their own age. Another reason is that it is difficult in our society for women to land a husband after the age of 25. They become a prime target for middle-aged, wealthy men,” Ms Fallahy said.
But Ms Suleimany dismissed Ms Suleiman’s suggestion. “That is stupid advice and I am surprised that, as a woman, she would say that. It is biologically impossible to retain one’s youthfulness as one ages. Besides, women look beyond wrinkles, can’t men do the same?” she said.

Nasser Kindy, a 56-year-old businessman who took a second wife two years ago, refuted the popular belief that men who take second wives simply want to boost their libidos.
“Far from the truth… most men with two wives do that because their first one turned the house into sheer hell,” Mr Kindy said. “At my age, I want peace of mind and not constant nagging all day long. The home of my second wife is an escape route when the first wife starts to blow the roof.”

But Mr Kindy conceded that polygamy is not always an enviable lifestyle.

“Children from the first wife can be rebellious, causing constant friction… And your two families can never be close, virtually becoming lifelong enemies,” Mr Kindy said.
Clerics say the practice often leads to disputes over inheritance.

“Usually, the children of the first wife, being much older than the second wife’s children, tend to take more than their share after their father’s death, resulting in bitter court lawsuits,” Sheikh Salim al Amry, imam of a mosque in Muscat, said.

Many second wives also say they often have contentious relationships with their co-wives. “We are called ‘husband snatchers’ by first wives. If anything, it is their fault for not satisfying their husbands,” Khadija Marhoon, 33, the second wife of an army officer, said. “Yes, there are problems… I personally don’t care as long as I get what I need.”